Five Fortunes

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October.

This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.

The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.

Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

Q: Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?
A: Because that was her name.

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Five Fortunes

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